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Expanding My Identity

jane1758

Growing up, I was most definitely NOT an athlete.  I shied away from any contact sports.  You’ve seen those kids on the court who fight to get the ball?  I just prayed that the ball didn’t come near me.  I was cut from every tryout where coordination was required – cheerleading, pompons, dance.  And in high school, my worst grade was in gym class.  I failed the Presidential Fitness Test, because I could not run the mile.  I can still remember how upset I was – not only because of the embarrassment, but because I cared deeply about my grades.

 

Over time, I leaned into other areas that came more naturally to me.  I was a good student, an excellent organizer, a caring listener, and I loved nothing more than bringing a group of people together to make things happen.  Fortunately, those skills have served me well, and I now cherish my identity as a collaborative leader who loves connecting with others and getting sh@t done.

 

I often work with clients who feel a calling to try something new… something that would require them to expand how they define their identity.  And, as we get older and more used to be both competent and confident, it can feel really scary to try something new.  Our inner critic can speak quite loudly to us in those moments, as it tries to protect us from trying “risky” new ventures or new identities.

 

One of my most important values is growth.  So, I have made it an intention to continually expand my identity – not only because it makes life richer and more full of possibilities, but because it gives me data points and confidence to say, “I keep doing new things.  I try them, I may stumble, but at least I am always learning and growing.”

 

Which brings me back to my identity as a “non-athlete.”  My husband and I have raised three kids, all of whom would say that their athletic pursuits, teams and interests are a huge part of their identity.  It makes me happy for them, and I also have yearned for that for myself. So as I’ve approached mid-life, one of the things I have chosen to play with is this identity, to see if I could expand how I think about it.

 

Enter the world of hiking endurance events.  Three years ago, I didn’t even know these events existed, and now I have completed two of them.  The great thing about these events is they don’t involve contact sports (unless I tumble off the trail), coordination is less important (and aided by our hiking poles), and yet they are still very, very hard for me.

 

This last October, my sister Annie (who I would define as an endurance athlete!) and I signed up for TRAIL 29029.  Held in Lake Tahoe, this event would challenge us to run/hike 3 mountain marathons, climbing over 13,000 feet, over 3 days.  Spoiler alert… we finished it!  Recently, I was invited on the Carpe Diem podcast to talk about my experience.  You can listen to the full interview here. But if you prefer the cliff notes, here are a few of my biggest takeaways, and why we have already committed to a third event in 2025.


Finishing Day Two
Finishing Day Two

Trying new things encourages me to adopt a beginner’s mind.  Each time I’ve signed up, I have no idea if I could complete the event.  I’ve never done anything like this!  I had no vision if my body, mind and soul could perform for three days of running and hiking at altitudes ranging from 6,500-8,000 feet.  The only choice for me was to go into this with a beginner’s mind.  And I’ve learned that is not only freeing, it is really fun!  In so many aspects of my life, I fall into the role of “highly competent, experienced leader.”  What a joy to be new at something - and to have no idea how to do it.  It’s made me slow down, ask questions, get really curious, lean on others, and be amazed when it all works out!

 

The training serves as a “prescription” for the things I want more in my life.  What I love MOST about these hikes is the process and preparation.  They bring connection with my training partner (my sister); long walks with my friends, family and dog; time in nature; time off my devices, and a big-as@ goal that I love breaking down into weekly and daily steps.  In my work as a coach, I’ve learned that connection, purpose, time in nature, and movement are some of the most essential building blocks for a more integrated, fulfilled life.  How brilliant to be able to combine those all into our training plan.

 

While I’m learning new skills, I’m also leveraging one of my strengths, my positive mindset.  Research shows that when we are using our strengths, we are significantly happier and more effective. My sister and I joke that when I sign up for these events, I rarely think about what could go wrong.  I only visualize the “what could go right.”  And while that positive mindset helps me move to commitment pretty quickly, I also know that mindset is critical when things do get hard (which they always do).  In those moments, where do I want to put my focus?  How can I tap into emotions that I know will serve me?

 

In coaching, we talk about shifting to perspectives that will be more creative, resourceful and abundant.  Here are a few ways we’ve done this on the trail.

 

Gratitude – During the hike, we were constantly putting our focus on what we were grateful for… the incredible weather, the gorgeous scenery, the helpful volunteers, the amazing coaches, the investment in our gear, our training, our bodies, the gift that we GOT to do this together.  We noted it, we said it aloud, and we thanked those around us. The research shows this gets us to a more positive state and we certainly felt it.


Sunrise after a big summit - so much to be grateful for!
Sunrise after a big summit - so much to be grateful for!

Humor – Laughing at ourselves kept it light, and brought positive energy to those around us.  When we were kids, my mother dressed my two sisters and I alike all the time.  As the oldest of the three, I was often embarrassed to be wearing the same clothes as my younger sisters.  So what better way to laugh at ourselves than to dress alike, head to toe, each day of the race?  We became known as the sisters, and giggled as we prepared our outfits and took photos throughout.


A mountain marathon is often WAY longer than 26.2 miles - keeping it light with our reaction to the mile markers
A mountain marathon is often WAY longer than 26.2 miles - keeping it light with our reaction to the mile markers

Compassion and empathy – one of the things I love about these events is that they are not a race.  There is no podium, no times posted... the goal is simply to finish.   That creates a special community built on support.  When you come up behind another hiker, you don’t just pass them – you check in.  How are they doing?  Do they need anything?  On the first day, we hit a wall around Mile 20.  We had been flying, and suddenly, every step (which was uphill for our last 8 miles) was harder.  We met a man who was much more experienced than we were, and he did not let us out of his sight for the next three hours.  We talked, we took breaks together, and mostly, he made sure we kept going.

 

On our third day, we came across a man who was really struggling.  He had hurt his knee but wanted to continue.  We could tell that every single step was painful for him.  So we did what I do best – we talked.  We asked him questions about his life, questions about his wife, questions about his background.  We walked together for over an hour, until he stopped at the next aid station to get some medical help.  That night, at the awards ceremony, I almost cried when I saw him wearing a Finisher’s Medal. He thanked us and said he didn’t think he would have finished, had we not come along at that moment and distracted him from his pain. We gave energy to others when they needed it, and we soaked up energy from others who did the same for us.

 


Our friend who got us through the last 8 miles of Day One
Our friend who got us through the last 8 miles of Day One

Gratitude, Humor and Empathy are emotions that I try to use every day to ensure I stay in a positive mindset.  What a great opportunity to use these to accomplish something really hard.

 

Best of all, these hikes have allowed me to expand my identity.  Instead of sticking with the same exercise routines, these events have forced me to try new things, to push myself in ways that have been uncomfortable, and to change how I think about myself.  At age 51, I feel more physically fit than I ever have in my life.  They have taught me that I am an athlete, and I can try - and do - really hard things. This has boosted my confidence, and my excitement and hope about what’s to come.


Finishing Day Three
Finishing Day Three

For those of you wanting to try something novel, here’s a final incentive.  Recently, I was reading research on why our “perceived” pace of time gets so much faster as we age.  I know I can relate to this – the years seem like they are going by in a blink now!  The research showed that part of the reason this happens is we have fewer novel experiences as we age.  It is these novel experiences that force us to slow down, be present, and savor the moment.  Reading this reinforced for me that as much as I love my daily rituals and routines, I want to continue to seek out the new, the hard, and the growth.  I hope you’ll join me... share something new that you want to try this year!

 

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Love this so much, Jane! My motto for this milestone birthday year is “old dog, new tricks” and I am grateful for your inspiration to try new things. ❤️

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